Understanding Emotions

V0Y10 had always been able to read emotions – his programming could help him identify certain facial expressions and shifts in vocal tones. He could tell statically if a person was hurt or upset, happy or angered. That was what he was used to, in his old centre.

Being able to feel emotions was a whole new experience that had hit him like a truck.

No one else had really recognised it when he first woke up. They thought it had been a malfunction, a trip in his system. He had come to know that it wasn’t, but rather the very human emotion of panic. It only really began to be recognised by the others as his tone began to more openly display anything but monotone.

He had been sat the same way he always did during the weekly round-up when Zora had said something… Specifically, she had casually degraded the small cleaning bot that had accidentally hit her foot before scuttling across the floor.

'What, just because it is programmed to work and not to think, do you think that is an okay thing to say?' He hadn’t thought before it had come out, his flat facial expression unchanged. Everyone was looking at him in shock. The next thing he knew he was standing up – something within his chest malfunctioning while the rest of his system attempted to figure out what the problem was, 'You think just because it is not human that that is an understandable thing to call it? Because I do not agree with you, Miss Marta, I do not.'

He had left. He felt like he was burning up from the inside, but he had no heat production within his system. It was confusing. It was new. His system was being torn apart deciding on which form to run on next – to apologise or to just keep walking to the lab and continue with his work. He stared at the tablet in his hands.

What had just transpired was one of many developments. He stated that it was merely a fault and apologised to Zara, who brushed it aside, looking as uninterested as she always had.

The next time he caught it was when he was watching Alex from the other side of the lab. The man was signing to himself – a song V0Y10 placed as being around 240 years old at least. Watching as his shoulders moved with the rhythm of his own voice, and how his hair almost bobbed in time. There was a sort of rush that brought a smile to his face, and a flutter to his stomach.

The noise that came out of him wasn’t voluntary – that was the first thing he noticed. A strange sound that he couldn’t place. And yet, when he came out of the shock from it, he was met with shock on Alex’s face.

'Did you just… Laugh?' Alex grinned. V0Y10 stared at him blankly. Was that what just happened? Had he laughed? He turned his face away.

'No… No I do not think I did.'

A continuous cycle of constant denial that none of the others needed to know about. He began to associate specific symptoms within himself as the feelings he had always been able to recognise on others. Joy, Laughter, Focus, Hysteria, Sadness, Anger, Distress, Fear, Elation. It all fell into place. But there was always one he couldn’t place.

The feeling he only ever got around Sorin… What was it?

He only managed to place it when on a secret diplomatic mission. The people of Oyuun Ukhaan had decided to place it upon themselves to ask for a diplomatic ball from their leaders. This meant that the leaders would be present. It was the perfect time to stake out the location of the emerald. Of course, his first question had been why the hell he was selected to be Sorin’s partner to the ball – but he hadn’t received a response.

The mission had gone smoothly, almost too smoothly. There had been no questions over their identities; even up against the automated system – then again V0Y10 had been the one to hack it. There had only been greetings and kindness when they introduced themselves as representatives of Vo Hieu; something that never would have happened if any one of the representatives knew the truth.

No, emotions had been few and far between that night – him and Sorin completely focused on their mission and on appearing completely innocent. And when the clock stuck 10, the queen and king of Oyuun Ukhaan made their way to the floor. And there it was.

Placed delicately into the tiara that was placed upon the queen’s head was the emerald; deep green and practically glowing with its presence. Identifying it to Sorin quietly, he was surprised when Sorin grabbed his hand. First emotion of the night. Glancing down at it, and then to Sorin, he watched as the man cocked his head to the dance floor. Of course. Make their way into the circle? Easy. Emotions shut off.

… Emotions. Shut. Off.

Why was that weird heat rushing through him again? Why was it flocking to his cheeks? For the first time since he left, he thanked his creators for actually forgetting something about his creation. No blushing.

But it only got worse, when he was dragged to the dance floor by Sorin, having been completely in his own world prior. Being casually pulled into a waltzing position, he found himself locking eyes with his current dance partner.

'I do not know how to dance,' He whispered, panicked.

'But you know how-to pick-up trends and patterns,' Sorin whispered back, his voice that low bass that rattled him to the core, 'Just follow my lead.'

And so he did. Of course, this meant the first few steps he spent staring at Sorin’s feet to pick up the pattern but, once he did – it was easy enough. He tried to push it to the back of his mind that he was in fact slow dancing with one of the most intimidating men he had ever met, but it was rather difficult to do. Then again, since he had known Sorin the man had shown him nothing but kindness. He was charming and damaged and passionate and courageous and…

It was then, after so many moments of catching that feeling that he finally placed it.

He wasn’t afraid of Sorin. He was falling in love.

Every moment the two had alone. Every shared whisper. Every quiet secret kept between the two of them. Every late-night walk along the shores of Cabidans where they would sit in silence and think for hours. Every sleepless night where Vanya would wake up to find Sorin crying somewhere that was not his quarters. Every gentle touch. Every calming word. Every reassurance shared between each other that they were never going back to the places they would forever call their own versions of hell…

It all made sense.

And when Sorin looked at him in concern within that moment, all V0Y10 could do was shake his head with a small smile. A silent ‘I’m fine’. A wordless ‘don’t worry’. That was all it took.

The warmth that overtook his body was all encompassing and he would report to Zora when they returned the location of the emerald but nothing more. And returning to the lab aboard ship, he would stare at the chart he had made to map his feelings, and tick off ‘unsure’ one last time.

Yes, understanding his own emotions was the hardest thing he had ever had to do. And later on, he would find himself not caring a single jot about the hardship of understanding them and simply run with them. But for now, he was content with placing facts with faces, and enjoying the weird rushes that accompanied them.